반말 vs 존댓말: Casual vs Polite Korean Speech
Written and reviewed by Jun and Jin, native Korean speakers
Published · Updated · How we write & review
After this page, you can decide who gets 반말 (banmal) and who gets 존댓말 (jondaemal), and ask to switch with 말 놓다 (mal nota).
10-second answer
The short answer
존댓말 (jondaemal) is polite speech — the safe default with strangers, elders, and anyone you don't know well. 반말 (banmal) is casual speech — for close friends, younger people, and family you're informal with. Switching from 존댓말 to 반말 with someone is actually a relationship milestone, not just a grammar choice.
Quick check — did that land?
1. You just met someone at a language exchange. What do you default to?
Want to sound friendly in Korean? Don’t jump into 반말.
Side by Side
| 존댓말 (polite) | 반말 (casual) | |
|---|---|---|
| Are you a student? | 학생이에요? | 학생이야? |
| I ate. | 먹었어요. | 먹었어. |
| Thanks. | 고마워요. | 고마워. |
| Sorry. | 미안해요. | 미안해. |
Notice the pattern: 존댓말 usually adds 요 (or a formal ending) that 반말 drops. That 요 is doing enormous social work in one syllable.
A note on spelling. 존댓말 (jondaenmal) is said with an "n" sound in the middle, so its official romanization is jondaenmal, but you'll also see jondaemal (the spelling this site uses), jondaetmal or jondetmal. They're all the same word.
See also: How Korean Honorifics Work
Who Gets Which?
| Situation | Use |
|---|---|
| Meeting someone new | 존댓말 — always start here |
| Strangers, service staff, coworkers (usually) | 존댓말 |
| Anyone older, even by a little | 존댓말 (until invited to drop it) |
| Close friends your age | 반말 — once established |
| Someone younger who's close to you | 반말 |
For every polite ending in one table, see the 존댓말 endings guide.
Asking to Switch: 말 놓다
Because switching to 반말 signals real closeness, Koreans often explicitly negotiate it rather than assume:
우리 말 놓을까?
uri mal noeulkka?
Should we drop the formalities?
Literally: Shall we 'put down' our speech (level)?
말 편하게 하세요.
mal pyeonhage haseyo.
Feel free to speak casually with me.
Often said by the OLDER person, giving permission — the younger person still may not switch fully.
Even after "말 놓자," it's common for only the older person to go fully casual while the younger person eases in more gradually — the age hierarchy doesn't fully disappear.
Age Is Central to the Whole System
Relative age can decide which speech level, which pronoun-substitutes (오빠/형/누나/언니), and which verb endings two people use. But Koreans ask about age less than they used to, and many now use polite speech with each other regardless of age or job title. Asking someone's age straight out can come across as rude, so it usually comes sideways, after some small talk — see introducing yourself in Korean.
Koreans usually compare birth years to settle who's older — the Korean Age Calculator shows your year age (연 나이) alongside your international age.
Common Mistakes
Mistake #1 — Starting in 반말 to seem friendly
It usually reads as presumptuous, not warm. Start polite; let closeness (or an explicit invitation) bring the switch.
Mistake #2 — Thinking 반말 is 'bad Korean'
It's not simplified or broken Korean — it's a full, correct register with its own grammar. Dramas and K-pop lyrics are full of it because it's the language of intimacy.
Mistake #3 — Assuming one switch covers everything
You might use 반말 with someone's speech but still add 요 in front of their parents. Register can shift by situation, not just by person.
Mini Quiz
2. What does 우리 말 놓을까? propose?
3. Why can age still come up when Koreans get to know each other?
Related Knowledge
Learn Next
You now know age drives speech level — see exactly how Korean age is counted and why it matters so much.
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